Call Me Snake

The tall fish tale told by Charlie Baker during his recent debate with Martha Coakley was dishonest on many levels--a cynical, calculated attempt to present a softer side to the supposedly numbers-driven CEO. Baker couldn't pull off this lie because his acting skills--unlike those of, say, Bill Clinton--are severely wanting. He and his minions have been backpedaling ever since he conjured up fake tears onstage during his face-off against Coakley. Maybe the guy wasn't from New Bedford, they say, on second thought. Maybe his sons didn't play football. Maybe they did or did not get scholarships. And maybe one of them, or both, did go to college after all. Next they may be admitting that the guy wasn't even a fisherman.

The only thing about this fishy tale that rings true is the part about the "big, sweaty guy." Only the big, sweaty guy is Charlie Baker himself, squirming under the spotlight brought upon himself by the bogus story he tried to palm off on us.

After handball today, my friends and I reflected on everyone's health. Three guys were plagued with bad backs; one had a bad hip (or two); another was suffering from foot problems. (I was feeling pretty good, actually, but that's besides the point.) All of these afflictions are bad, a player named Jim told me, "but the back's the worst." A second later, he amended that statement, saying, "No, everything's the worst."

While working out at the Cambridge Y, I saw some football experts (including Mike Ditka) on TV call Peyton Manning "the greatest quarterback ever." This was just before Manning broke Brett Favre's record on total passing yards. I asked a Patriots fan who worked at the front desk of the Y what she thought of the experts' pronouncements. She scoffed at their statement, suggesting they didn't know what they were talking about. "Tom Brady is just as equal as Peyton Manning," she said. "And Peyton Manning is just as equal as Tom Brady."

Call it an occupational hazard, but I'm often asked to write things of all sorts, from books to, well, other things. Sometimes I'm called on for my skills as a reviewer, and today was no exception. STAPLES, the "Office Superstore," just asked me to review a number of the products they sell, including BOUNTY Paper Towels and CHARMIN Toilet Paper. As an experienced (and highly sought after) professional, I take my reviews very seriously and will therefore proceed with my writing cautiously, taking it just one sheet at a time.

It's true, I have not kept up on my blogging. And I feel bad about that. So I decided to write down all the things over the last month that I planned to blog about but never made the time for. Unfortunately, I can't remember most of those things, as I didn't write them down and am now at the point in life where I really need to. But here are a couple of random thoughts:

1. I had a "big birthday" about a week ago, and I shared it (to within a day or so) with CERN in Switzerland, which is presently the world's leading center for particle physics research. So it's fair to ask--at a time of reflection like this--who's accomplished more in their decades on this Earth, me or CERN?

2. My interactions with editors are not always harmonious, and I do not always agree with everything they say. But last week, I received a note from an editor who asked me to write two short profiles at the very last minute, which is to say within a couple of hours. She wrote back immediately upon receiving my attachments: "You are the best." In those four words, I feel like she covered it pretty well. In fact, I can't think of how she might have put things better.

3. There are many other items that should go in this spot--those small, funny things that pop up every now and then that are worthy of a chuckle or two. But because they are "small," those things don't usually make a lasting impression. And, as a result,  I'm afraid they're gone. But new ones will come soon, I'm sure. Hopefully I will not be so remiss in recording them for posterity.

4. The above exercise did jog my memory somewhat, and I seem to recall a friend who was fond of a couple of turns of phrase that I came up with, one being "chamber pot music" and the other concerning the recent "vote for Scotch tape independence." There is more of this to come, although some may wish for less.